Birthday Letter to Esper

Dear Esper,
It's two months after your 3rd birthday and I'm finally sitting down to write your birthday letter. Two was quite a roller coaster of a year! Mostly because of what I've had to go through. Starting school, Celiac Disease, moving, etc. I've shaken up your world a bit this year and I hope it's ok. Yes, there is guilt about all the times I felt sick. Seeing your mom laying on the floor was hard for you when you wanted me to play with you. I'm sorry. I'll probably say that a lot in our years together. (And after you've moved out and started your own family.) I'm a very imperfect parent and you'll learn that one day.

I recently heard about a study where kids are given a cracker box and asked what is inside. They say crackers, of course, even though the box is filled with rocks. But when asked what the kids think their mom would say was in the box, the 3-year-olds say "rocks." The older ones know that their mom would think it was crackers too. But no, not the 3-year-olds. You are still at this developmental age where you think Mommy is Queen of the World. I must admit, sometimes it is nice. You ask me regularly, "Mommy, do you know evee-thing?" I say no, but you seem like you don't believe me.

You have taken to following me around our entire tiny little duplex apartment saying that you want me in the same room as you. I'd like to point out, dear, that the entire apartment is like one single room. It's been really hard for me to have you attached to my side every time I look down, like a new puppy learning to heel. I frequently turn around and bump into you. I don't know what it means except that for whatever reason, you want me around a lot. I'll take it as another phase in your development and try and embrace it, because one day you will most certainly not want me to rock you in my rocking chair and sing you songs. We could do that all day if it were up to you.

You're very hilarious and what's great is you understand humor and know what will get a laugh out of me. ("Mommy, smell my butt." *giggle, giggle, giggle.) It's hard for me to understand how you are so intellectually mature yet have a hard time getting to the potty to pee in time. You love to dance and will make me put music on a few times a day so you can shake it. You come up with some great dance moves and look so free when you're prancing around the room. It feels like pure joy captured in a 3-year-old.

We all grow and mature in different ways and it has been so fun to see your brain mature in (what a proud mom thinks is) a very quick way. You have begun coming up with elaborate stories to tell your stuffed animals about girls who live in the woods and have adventures. You come up with thought-provoking questions that I can't answer like: "Mommy, where does God live?" You tell me you wish your daddy lived here with us so you could see him all the time and my heart flip-flops and then falls over exhausted.

You challenge me in so many ways. You force me to be patient when I don't want to be, assertive and consistent when I feel I lack the skills, and loving and nurturing when I sometimes just want to be alone. You hug me when I'm sick or sad and insist on that making me "feel all detter now." You get "so 'cited" to go to the park or see a friend or go to the lake that I can't help but feel that maybe I should be getting more 'cited about the simple things in life. Thank you for giving me all this and more every day. I love you more than you could ever know.

Love forever,
Your Mommy

Today

We needed food desperately but she wouldn't put her shoes on to go to the store and I didn't have the energy to fight her. I laid on the floor, nauseous from either the bite I took of gluten-free english muffin or the strawberry banana smoothie I made.

All day she kept pulling out new toys and making new messes. As I tried to adjust the flow of air coming out of the swamp cooler (open this window, close that one, cuss at the heat under my breath) she made it very clear that she had a list of demands I was not meeting. "I'm thiiiirsty. I hunnngry." Not wanting to turn my oven or stove on to cook something (I need a microwave), I rummaged through the cabinets to find something to feed her. We eventually made our way to our local favorite raw food place to get some ginger lemonade, a vegan wrap, and some grapes. To my delight, she asked to use the bathroom three times in the twenty minutes we were there.

A plumber was downstairs fixing something so my water got turned off without my knowing and I had just pooped. Did I mention that my kid is extra sensitive to smells due to her submucous cleft palate? "Ewwww Mommy what dat smell like?"

All day I had to limp because my right knee had decided to not work. Shooting pains through my right arm occasionally joined my knee pain. Stomach cramping had me moaning in pain in the library too.

She did great with peeing all day. No accidents. But she still doesn't know there's poop until it's coming out of her. And onto my foot and my favorite pair of sandals. After her bath I read her three books and put her to bed. She yelled after I shut the door and wouldn't go to sleep until I stayed and rubbed her back. She finally fell asleep around 9:15. The house was a mess. It called for me to come and clean it and finish those dishes I started. My digestive system called out for me to go to bed so it could get some healing time in. We live in a small duplex. I need space and time to myself and this short time is all that I get. And here I am blogging.

P.S. I just killed the nastiest, biggest spider that was crawling on my arm.

Teaching Kids To Eat Healthy

  One day Esper wanted to have a picnic with her toy food so she hauled it all out to the living room and threw the food on the blanket. Oh, good, I thought. An opportunity for an object lesson. (Though really how many object lessons stick when you're two years old?) I separated out all the bread products in the group and explained to Esper that these foods make Mommy sick. (Jury's out on if they will some day make her sick, but so far so good.) What's left is a glorious mix of colors. I told her that our food needs to be colorful. Variety is good for our bodies, but of course the color our stomachs love the most is GREEN.

Speaking of green food, I went and bought kale for the first time to make a yummy green smoothie. I put in a handful of kale, cold water, crushed ice, pineapple, a banana, strawberries, and almond milk. Esper had to scoot her chair over to the counter to help me. I think this is key to getting a child to try new foods. Let them see what goes into making it. While the smoothie was still in the blender I got out a straw to taste it and of course she had to mimic me. She was hesitant because of the green color but decided to try it. She loved it! I poured her a cup and she gulped it down. I got my kid to eat kale. That's what I call success!